To Love & Be Loved In Return

     I have a dream to adopt a child.  I knew that I had to try.  I will have no regrets because I tried everything humanly possible to make my dream a reality.  This included putting myself out there in a way I am not comfortable with.  It included making myself vulnerable.  It included asking for help.  A friend of mine told me, "there is something to be said for leaving no stone unturned."  I can say I did that. 

     For me, loving people is easy.  With the support of my friends, I learned how to be loved in return.  You showed me about the kind of person I would like to be.  I will never forget the supportive words, encouragement, questions, insight, empathy, and sincerity that make me feel confident the world is a better place with you in it.  I feel lucky to know you all.  You made me feel like a mother even if just for a while.
     As for the Adopt Together site, I will keep the funds until I feel certain I know what the next step will be.  If I do not adopt, I will be donating to a site to help other families.
     If you know other families who are adopting, please show them your support as well.  There are lots of kids out there in need of homes.

Surrender To What Is

     I have been given some advice by several other prospective Honduran adoptive parents already on the wait list and I am going to take it.  I am not going to be pursuing an adoption from Honduras.  Although many are hopeful the process will become smoother and quicker, it is not realistic that this will happen anytime soon.  The wait time has grown incredibly long and as of last week, there is another strike of government workers which means all work stops.  (The strike is because they have not been paid for several months, including foster parents.  Please keep them in your prayers as they may not have the resources to properly care for the children otherwise.)
     I thought at this time I would be celebrating my I-600A approval (which did arrive) and posting a photo of our Fed Ex man picking up my dossier for delivery to the adoption agency.  I had dreams of going to Tegucigalpa and meeting my little girl.  I dreamed of what she would look like, how she would act, and what every stage of her life would be like.
     I feel this is a decision I must make.  I will not regret trying to adopt internationally.  I would have regretted not trying.  I am considering my options and may or may not pursue a domestic adoption.  I will be okay, but for now I am grieving.

The Ultimate Plan

     I recently took a road trip with close friends during which time the subject of my adoption was discussed...briefly.  It was a short conversation.
     I asked what had been on my mind, "Why is this so hard?  Why doesn't anything seem to be working out?"
     The answer?  "Because you don't know the ultimate plan yet."
     Such a simple answer, and it shut me up.  There is nothing to say to follow that up.  There is no argument with that.
     Honduras may not work out for me, but there is an ultimate plan.

"There's No Crying in Baseball"

     If you saw the movie A League of Their Own, you may remember the line Tom Hank's character stated to a player during the baseball game..."Crying?  There's no crying in baseball?!"
     That scene makes me laugh every time I think of it, because Tom Hanks is funny, but also because baseball is a game!  It is suppose to be a fun game, just as adoption should be a celebratory event!  Unfortunately, there is crying in adoption. 

     You will hear repeatedly from experts that adoption is about grief.  There is grieving from all members of the adoption triad (birth parents, adoptee, and adoptive parents).  There is loss.
     There is crying because of anxiousness, confusion, fear, absence, empathy, and frustration.  
     Because of conviction, love, and sacrifice.
     There is crying because of uncertainty. 
     There is crying when people touch your heart with their amazing support!  
     When there is understanding.  When people are good to each other and also when they are not.
     There is crying when things don't go according to plan and when you can't believe they do.
     There is crying because it is a draining process.

     All of this crying, grieving, and loss sounds depressing doesn't it?  It is not all the time.  There is also happiness, hope, pride, joy, anticipation, love, understanding, respect, and healing.  It is a process. 

The Orphan Crisis: Why Help One Child?

     According to Worldwide Orphans Foundation, there are approximately 153 million orphans worldwide.  How do we stop the cycle?  Who decides what programs help best?  Should education, poverty, violence, the justice system, or unemployment be the focus?  If family preservation/reunification is not an option, do the answers lie in schools, orphanages, foster homes, or Missionary work?  Maybe some combination?

     International adoption cannot be the answer for all children, but this is what I believe.  An international adoption helps at least three children.  One child finds a home, the opening in the orphanage gives a home to a second child, and the donation made to the orphanage helps at least one other child in some way.  Many adopted children also grow up to return to their home country and help others in need. 

     Posted below is a 39 minute video of a panel of professionals (including Dr. Jane Aronson) touching on the subject of the orphan crisis.  I would definitely like to see more discussions like this...Maybe a series.  The idea of having a group of experts together is to listen to what they have to say, take that information and form our own opinions.:
http://live.huffingtonpost.com/#r/segment/solving-the-worldwide-orphan-crisis/5137ad632b8c2a5368000756

     Whether I am able to adopt a child or not is irrelevant to this post.  Taking a look at things on a broader scale, there is an orphan crisis and sooner or later, it becomes everyone's problem.

    Does anyone remember this quote from the movie Blood Diamond (the reporter Maddy says to Archer):
      "The whole country's at war.  Why should I help this one person?
      (...Pause) I can't believe I just said that."

     In this scenario, the character surprised herself with her response, but it is a question we must ask ourselves in order to best utilize our resources.  How do we help others?  For some people it may be to help one person, for some it may be to volunteer for an organization or help a group.  For me the answer is that everyone should do what is in their heart.
     ***There are lots of great organizations out there right now helping others.  Remember to look at their "About" page or "Mission Statement" to see their philosophy and check their credibility with other sources. 

My Adoption Path

     Some of you may wonder how I got to this point in the adoption process.  I will do my best to give a brief synopsis of my journey so far!
     I have always been interested in adoption and have known for a long time that I wanted to adopt a child myself.  I have had friends and family who are adoptees and who are adoptive parents.  

     Approximately 9 years ago, I decided I wanted to adopt.  I started saving money and looking into different agencies.  There was an agency a friend used and I wanted to use them as well.  China was in my heart.
     In 2006, China closed its doors to single parents.  I was crushed, but I knew that "The Adoption Monster" randomly rears its head and by the time I was ready to adopt, they may have changed their requirements again.  So I began looking at other options in the meantime.
     I strongly considered an agency working with Rawanda as a pilot program, but the timing wasn't right.  I briefly looked into Belize.
     I called about foster adopt. 
     Then the agency I wanted to work with started working with Honduras.  I fit the requirements and decided to inquire.  The day I was going to call, I opened my Facebook page and the first thing I saw was that China was opening its doors to singles again!  It was for special needs kids only.  So I had a decision to make.  Was it a sign? Was I suppose to go with China?
     After inquiring about both programs, I decided that Honduras was a good choice for me.
     In March 2011, I sent in my application.  I continued to save money, take the required adoptive parent training classes, look for a Home Study Agency, and see how the program developed.  No one had gone through the process with my agency yet.
     During the last two years, Honduras has gone through several strikes with agency workers, a restructuring of INFHA (Honduras Social Services), and a few other changes. 
     My Home Study and biometrics are complete.  However, I am not sure about moving forward with Honduras because the waiting list may take years at this point.  It is still a pilot program and things are still being worked out in-country.  I am exploring my options and have been talking with several domestic agencies.  
     I don't know where the path will lead.  I continue to ask questions and pray. 

About Honduras

     Honduras is a Central American country which shares borders with Guatemala, El Salvador, and Nicaragua.  The five stars on the Honduran flag represent the Central American countries with the middle star representing Honduras because it is central to the other countries.

     I have learned that Honduras is rich in history, culture, and resources and unsettled politically and financially.  The Bay Islands sit on the second largest coral reef in the world.  There are mountains, jungle, beaches, and cities.  Honduras is the 2nd poorest country in the Western Hemisphere.  
     The heart-breaking fact is that there are approximately 20,000 "street children"...children living on the street with no parents.  Can you imagine their plight?

Honduras Facts:
1.  Honduras in Spanish means depths.  It was named after Christopher Columbus on his fourth voyage because of the deep waters at the mouth of the Tinto o Negro River off the Mosquito Coast.

2.  Honduran Industry:  Sugar, Coffee, Textiles, Clothing; Agriculture:  Banannas, Coffee, Citrus, Beef, Timber, Shrimp; Exports:  Coffee, Bananas, Shrimp, Lobster, Meat

3.  Country Symbols:  Animal--White Tailed Deer; Bird--Scarlet Macaw; Flower--Orchid; Tree--Honduras Pine

4.  Honduras is where the term "Banana Republic" was originally coined.

5.  The Copan Ruins are considered the most important ruins for the fully intact hieroglyphs, the main source of how we know Mayan Ruins today.